My mobile phones and I have been having authority issues ever since those things came with locked with pin combinations. I have always known my pin combination. I mean, I made up my pin combination just for that purpose: so I would be able to remember and input it correctly. So, what should happen after I input the four digits, is that my phone should say: “Pin correct. thank you master” But it doesn’t. What it does say is: “Pin accepted” Which is a very haughty and infuriating response when you think about it. What your phone is saying to you is: “Well okay, I’ll let this one pass.” But that’s not what’s going on here… you’re not letting anything ‘pass’ you ignorant piece of microchips and plastic, it is the correct friggin’ code!

Moving on.

Autocorrect
Now, matters have gotten even worse. My smartphone not only annoys when I switch it on… it also challenges my authority when I am using it. It does this by means of autocorrect. This little script of code will accept anyone, not even it’s owner, to use correct spelling unless it says so. It is a totalitarian mustard of flawless grammar. There are many sites out there that will provide you with many examples of supposedly funny autocorrect disasters (My estimate: 95% hoax) so I will only use this one example.

Bastard.
Sometimes there can be good use for a word like ‘bastard’. Like when you want to say to someone: “You are a bastard“. But my Autocorrect will have none of it. If I do not pay extreme attention it will automatically chance my profanity to the puzzling: “You are a mustard.” There is, fortunately, a way to work around this problem of repeatedly having to adjust this autocorrection. (Actually; there are two. One would be calling your nemesis an arsehole). It is called: misspelling. With my superior typing skills I rarely misspell “bastard”, but I should. If I type “Battard“… the problem is also solved and everyone to whom it applies will automatically be correctly offended, with the help of  autoreply.

The digital age has changed the rules of name-calling forever…

One thought on “Autocorrect is a totalitarian mustard

  1. Excellent post! I’ve sent a few questionable texts out thanks to Auto correct. One or two were in fact unintentionally offensive to the recipient. Auto correct is a horrible down right mustard… and thats all that can be said.

    Now on to your more recent post, which, with a little help from Google Translate, should read perfectly….

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