Warning: ego-documentation. My life as a contemporary artist.
Must be the equivalent of writers block: artists block. Every year I go through a couple of those phases when I just cannot seem to get anything done. No paintings get finished, no projects worked on, no new ideas generated, no stuff written… and at those times you get more and more convinced that you are a crap artist. All the work you have previously done, sucks completely. Every project you’re working on is crap.
This time, the block was put up somewhere in December. I had been doing quite a lot of (extra) work in the month before for a show I was participating in and since that also gave me a lot of energy, I had also managed to do a lot of extra stuff for this blog and the cultblender site. At the ‘regular-pay’ job there were also several nice, creative projects going on, so there was creative energy everywhere. Then, from December, the creative power-line was cut. The presentation of my work at the show was rather disappointing. I had a bad case of the flu. I noticed that a couple of postings on my blog attracted loads of extra visitors, which was good, but also annoying, because, well, you don’t want to see those numbers drop again, so you sort of feel obligated to write more stuff, which just means: ‘more work’. Then you get all those ‘holiday activities’ which are all very nice, but really tend to get in the way of your creative work. During that time I also found out that a lot of friends and family respect me, think I’m very talented, but do not take my ‘being an artist’ very serious. Most of the creative projects at the dayjob turned out to be a nightmare since they all involved commercial partners who are all very much interested up to the moment where they actually have to do something, when they start being complete and utter bastards. And on top of all that, our dear bunny James turned out to be a couple of years older than what they estimated at the rabbit rescue where we adopted him from a couple of years ago. He died of old age, covered in a blanket, with me and my girlfriend lying beside him. We miss him.
Well… apart from James dying, all the other stuff is just a spoiled brat moaning about ‘how difficult his life is. It’s not. My life is absolutely brilliant. I have food, shelter, health, love and television (hurrah), and a case of ‘artists block’. So, I may just be second rate artist, writing second rate postings to promote a first class artists site have ou seen the interviews with Kendrick Mar and Joey Monsoon yet? Whoa!); I can live with that. I’ll just have to keep on trying my best. And there is light at the end of the tunnel. Yesterday I managed to get some sketches on paper which will be first studies for the two other parts of an ‘Essen’ tryptich. Cheerz.