10.15.09

Blog Action Day: Do less for the climate

Posted in 1, cultblender, culture, ego, erwin fisser, sustainability at 7:00 am by cultblender

Today (oct 15, 2009) it’s Blog Action Day. X-mas time for bloggers when we all get together (virtually, obviously) and have a sort of private celebration and spread love, warmth and kindness. And just like when we get together with our families for the holiday season, there are specific rules and themes; this years BAD theme (anyone laughing out there?) is: Climate change. Or, as Obama would put it, Change we do not need.

We all know it…
Don’t get me wrong, I think BAD is very good idea. It’s a great way to put some items on the agenda and get some original ideas out there in the open. But what could someone possibly write about Climate Change that hasn’t been said a thousand times already? What Climate Change critic hasn’t already been sufficiently ridiculed and dragged through the polluted mud? Who, after Al Gore’s world tour and the glorious rise of the Cradle2Cradle concept still does not know what he or she can do to reduce pollution?

Do not focus on reducing CO2
Oh, perhaps there’s one thing. Perhaps it should not be about how we can continue on getting richer and buying more products without further damaging our environment. Perhaps the debate should not focus on optimizing production with reduced carbon dioxide emission. And, perhaps, the best idea is not on how we can make more products from more waste.

Do less
For as long as we know, we have been working harder and smarter to become rich enough to be able to provide everybody -who so wishes- with a comfortable and happy lifestyle. Well, Westerners, congratulations! We are there! It’s time to stop. Stop working more, stop working harder, stop producing more efficiently and effectively so we can speed up production. We have enough junk, we have too much stress and we have too little time. Start working less, start planning less and have more attention for yourself and loved ones. Buy less products and things which you could then appreciate more. Travel less miles so you can spend more time actually enjoying that holiday. Put less into quantity so you can put more into quality. We need less advertising, news and choices and we need more actual quality of life. It’s no longer a matter of ‘we can have it all’, we’ve already got it but just don’t see it. If we can realise that, we’ve the climate and ourselves that biggest favor ever.

And if Blog Action Day helped a little at reaching that goal… that’s not bad at all.

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10.07.09

Welcome international visitors

Posted in 1, Words on their own, cultblender, erwin fisser, funny tagged annie leibowitz, conversation, cultblender, erwin fissr, fisserman, phonecall, script, scripted, telefoon, telefoongesprek, telephone at 12:31 pm by cultblender

Welome international visitors. English translation below. Thank you.

[telefoon gaat]
A: Ja, hallo…?
B: Hee, hallo hoe gaat het!?
A: Tsja…. ehmm…. eerlijk gezegd…
B: …?…..
A: Niet zo goed eigenlijk…
B: Nee?
A: Nee.
B: O… hoezo?
A: Nou, ik krijg deze hele week al elk half uur een klap tegen m’n kop…
B: O ja?
A: Jazeker…
B: Elk half uur?
A: … Ja…
B: Ehm….
A: Ja…?
B: Maar waarom?
A: Waarom…tsja…
B: En door wie?
A: ….geen idee…
B: Elk half uur?
A: Ja.
B: Shit man… dan heb je echt een kutweek
A: Ja.
B: Da’s echt een kutweek, elk half uur…
A: Ja.
B: Nooit es, zeg maar, drie kwartier?
A: Nee, echt elk half uur gewoon.
B: Zo…
A: … van ‘bats’! …
B: Tsjongejonge… dat verwacht je ook niet hè?
A: Nee….
B: Pfffff!
A: En met jou?
B: Met mij?
A: Ja, hoe gaat het met jou?
B: Euhhhh… nou ik heb nogal slecht gelapen…
A: Ook niet fijn.
B: Nee, da’s waar. En ik heb ook wat jeuk gehad vanmiddag. Zo tegen drieën.
A: Nou ja…
B: Precies.
A: KLABATS!
B: Hallo?
A: …
B: Hallo?
A: …
B: Hallo?

Please stay seated for the English translation, thank you.

[Phone rings]
A: Hello?
B: Hi, how are you?
A: Well….
B: Yes?
A: Did you hear about Annie?
B: Annie?
A: Yes, Annie.
B: Red hair, freckles… that Annie?
A: Huh?
B: You know: “Sun’ll come out tomorrow” et cetera….
A: Ehm, no… I’m talking about Leibowitz…
B: Leibowitz?
A: Yes, Annie Leibowitz?
B: Who the fuck is Annie Leibowitz?
A: You don’t know who Annie Leibowitz is?
B: Who?
A: Annie Leibowitz?
B: AnnieLeibowitz?
A: Yes, Annie Leibowitz.
B: No, never head of her.
A: Geez
B: What about her?
A: About Annie?
B: Yes, what about Annie?
A: Never mind.
B: Hey, you called me remember!? Douchebag.

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10.05.09

Wondering about torrenting…

Posted in 1, business, companies, cultblender, economy, erwin fisser, marketing, media, music tagged copying, copyrights, downloading, mp3, music, music industry, torrents at 10:43 am by cultblender

I am sure that there is someone out there with sufficient legal knowledge who can answer this: when you buy an album (record, cd, tape Blu-Ray whatever)… what do you actually buy?

Do you buy a physical product or do you buy the right to enjoy a non-physical product (meaning: the music)? In most countries, you are allowed to make a back-up copy of a cd that you bought. In the old days, this would have meant that you would copy your vinyl album to a tape. Which was great, because that meant you could listen to it in your car. Hurray!

(il)legal copying
With modern CD’s for the majority of us, with insufficient technological knowledge, it’s been made useless (if not: virtually impossible) to make a back-up copy. Sure, you can still copy from CD to tape (if you can find a device that still plays tapes), but you cannot copy from CD to computer, other CD or mp3 player unless you apparently break some law or other. And of course, you’ll have to buy a CD that hasn’t been protected. Anyway;
If you buy a CD, is it then still illegal to download a mp3 version of that same album for your iPod or laptop? I’m guessing it is, but I can’t figure out the logic behind this.

Two’s company
There are only two reasons I can think of and both seem ridiculous.

1. you do not buy the right to enjoy the music. You only buy the right to play the carrier. Why would this be ridiculous? Well, if you have a nail and a wall you would like to drive the nail into, but you do not own a hammer… it would be illegal for you to borrow a hammer from your neighbour.

2. You are not allowed to download a mp3 version of an album you legally bought, because this would make it too easy for other people to illegally download that product as well. In this case, even though it is generally agreed that you are in fact not doing anything wrong, but your actions coud potentially make it easier for someone else to do something illegal. For which you are then punished. This would be even worse than Tom Cruise in Minority Report (which, admitted, wasn’t a bad film at all….)

The proof of the album is in the downloading
If you are still with me, I think it is safe to assume that you do not find this subject boring. The reason why these questions could be interesting is because it may be interesting to know what record companies actually do, now that the actual record has become obsolete. Artists can record, produce and distribute from the comfort of their own coffeeshop with the help of nothing more than a laptop computer and internet connection. Why do we need record companies at all? Because they provide something called ‘marketing’ to their ‘product’ ? And for that, do they deserve to get the majority of all the revenue? I think most of us will agree that the artist that made that lovely music, deserves to make a buck off it. But you just may feel differently about the guy in a suit on the top floor om some office building.

As I remember shouting along at a Biohazard concert, somewhere around 1995: “Music for you and me, not the fucking industry…“

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09.29.09

Are the Swedes destroying our planet?

Posted in 1, business, companies, cultblender, culture, economy, erwin fisser, marketing, society, sustainability tagged business, commercialsim, consumerism, durable, enoughism, environment, garbage second hand, h&m, ikea, sweden at 10:57 am by cultblender

As far as I know, Swedish people are friendly, open and honest. Sweden has a steady democracy with good health care, equal opportunities and the Swedish people are among the happiest in the world. At the same time, they may be unintentionally and unknowingly- destroying our world.

Let’s not and say we did…

Since we’re all so very much aware of the fact that our planet is becoming more ‘tropical’ by the minute and we’re nearing the bottom of our supply of natural resources it’s become a popular trend to produce as ‘environmentally friendly’ as possible. No more wood from tropical rainforest, CO2 neutral engines, reusing of waste water… But there is one way of production that beats all the others when it comes to ’saving planet and resources’ and that is:

Not producing at all.

No matter how much you recycle, reuse and reinvent your production methods; ‘not-producing’ is most durable. So if you buy a chair from a second hand shop, you’ll be doing the environment a larger favour than when you buy an eco-design one.

Value less than zero
Enter the Swedes. Or to be more precise, two international Swedish retail chains: Ikea and H&M. Well designed, cool and extremely affordable stuff for your home and body with love from Scandinavia. They mean no harm. And they do quite well. They’ve banned child-labour, they recycle, they use paper instead of plastic where they can (or so I imagine, they’re Swedes after all). But the problem is; they’re products are so low-quality (in terms of ‘will last for a long time’) and so cheap that they’re killing the ’second hand’ market.

If you’re looking for a piece of clothing or homeware to obtain and you can buy a second hand item for almost nothing, or a brand new (Swedish design!) for barely more, which would you choose? Most people would use the stuff that’s not damaged, broken, dented or used yet, so they can damage, break, dent or use it themselves. So something new gets produced and bought and the second hand one gets ‘thrown away’. Adding even more misery to this process: because the Ikea and H&M products are so low quality, when their owners get bored with them, their second hand value will be less than zero, so they will have to be dumped somewhere on the ever growing mountains of garbage we produce.

Less is… less
Of course, it’s not just those two companies. All companies are doing it. All electrical appliances for example are made to last a certain period instead of being made for ‘eternity’. Customers will need to buy a new product regularly, usually just after your guarantee has run out. And we call that ‘marketing’.

The answer is probably not that we should start producing in more environmentally friendly ways, the answer is we should start producing less. We should realise that we may already have enough stuff as it is.

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09.22.09

Leave me alone

Posted in 1, Art, cultblender, ego, erwin fisser tagged buying, commercialism, driving, erwin fisser, fisserman, hood, park, poem, poetry, shopping, society at 8:42 am by cultblender

Please leave me alone while I go shopping,

I don’t want to drive to church,

I want to just drive,

Your minty fresh white smile shines,

from the hood into everlasting happiness,

I wish I could park somewhere, anywhere.

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08.25.09

Posted in 1, Art, Culture & philosophy, Words on their own, advertising, business, companies, contemporary, cultblender, culture, economy, erwin fisser, marketing, media, popular culture, society, sustainability tagged cultblender, culture, economy, erwin fisser, marketing, media, more at 7:11 am by cultblender

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MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE,MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE,

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08.13.09

Egomarketing

Posted in 1, Art, Words on their own, contemporary, cultblender, ego, erwin fisser, freedom at 7:11 am by cultblender

As I leisurely murder,
from the bridge to nowhere,
(Yes, Ketchikan Alaska)
chewing professional gum,
I suspect I feel,
sold out,
not selling out.

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08.12.09

Best five (5) albums ever – Objective standards

Posted in 1, Art, Culture & philosophy, contemporary, cultblender, culture, erwin fisser, moderate life, music, reviews tagged aitken, belle and sebastian, best albums, best ever, britney spears, charts, coldplay, compliation album, excellent musicians, favourites, genesis, history, listmaking, music, music album, objective, ok computer, rick astley, ringo starr, rolling stone, rules, standards, stock, tigermilk, timberlake, top five, waterman at 2:50 pm by cultblender

With the rise of Facebook an old preteen habbit has again surfaced among tweens and thirty-somethings: the making and sharing of lists of (among others) favourite things; Five best actors, Five best books et cetera. Usually, these lists are nothing more than vehicles of an aspired image and in many cases it is doubtful that the listed books are actually read (Kafka and Tolstoy in the same list as Harry P.?) A lot of these lists are formed on the basis of personal taste, but they are rarely presented as such. It’s never ‘the five albums I personally like’, no it’s ‘the BEST five albums ever’. It’s possible to set some easy rules for making such a ‘best and not personal favourite’ list. I will give you that list of rules. You’re welcome. (And what that list of ’five best albums ever’ actually is… I’ll leave it up to you to bother your own circle of contacts with.)

1. A good album is diverse

Techno

A good album is like a good meal. Once in every while, you’re presented with different flavours, different textures. It’s one of the main differences between cuisine and fast food. Unfortunately, this rule means that all your Techno and Death Metal albums are out of the competition. An album that sort of sounds the same from beginning to end does not build up to anything, nor does it surprise you at any point. After one track it’s merely ‘there’. Remember: it’s not about (my) taste. It’s an objective standard.

Ringo is an excellent drummer

2. A great album is recorded by excellent musicians.
It is not possible to make a ‘top 5′ album, when the band has to drag one of it’s members along… or when a crappy producer is hired. Great music may sound like you could’ve played it yourself, but believe me: you couldn’t. This rule -surprisingly- also means that Ringo is an excellent drummer after all. Who knew?

Good, not great

3. Ending up high in the charts is not a factor, but decent sales are.
I’m guessing there will be no debate over the fact that Britney Spears has no place in a ‘Top five of best albums’ list. However, there are people that would make a case for, say ‘Tigermilk‘ by Belle and Sebastian. Sorry. A great album will by definition have more decent sales. Greatness will move -perhaps- not masses, but large quantities of people nonetheless. At the same time it can be argued that if an album is number one in a lot of charts, for a long, long time, it may be that the album is not great, but well-marketed.

4. A good album can be easy and simple, a great album -by definition- is not.

It wasn't great then...

This rule has a lot in common with the previous two. Successful producers as Stock, Aitken and Waterman (or even Justin Timberlake) make music that is as easy to the ear as a Whopper is to the tongue. sometimes you just feel slutty and you think you need it. but afterwards you feel defiled and empty. That sort of thing. You can never identify a great album at first play. You have to get used to it. A great album challenges you to hear many things you have never heard before.

5. Compilations don’t count

... and it isn't great here...

Personally I cannot think of a compilation album that I would rate ‘great’ anyway, but you never know. A compilation is exactly what it is called; compiled singles. That will never make a well-balanced album. Not even if you’re Genesis. A great album is by definition more than merely the sum of it’s songs added together. Something extra happens. Like mixing Coke with Mentos, but musical..

6. Great albums have inspired other -really good- albums

Nice styling though...

If you have a couple of really good (but not yet great) albums at home, go and find out who and what inspired those albums. Good chance you’ll end up listening to something truly great. A great album is the definitive work of a genre and a start of something (completely) new at the same time. Again, this is not an opinion, it’s an objective rule of thumb. You may like Coldplay, their albums are not great.

So there we are. Six easy rules to get you started on finally deciding what five albums are the absolutely top bestest in the entire history. Go and make your list.

(Oh, one more piece of advice. if ’OK Computer’ isn’t on your list you’re setting yourself up to be justly ridiculed by the world.)